I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
