If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
