Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
