my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
