I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
