You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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