We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
