I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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