Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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