porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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