i just google imaged poop.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
