We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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