no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We got so high we made milksteak
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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