I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
