Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
