What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
