He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize