my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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