he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Randomize
