I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
