Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
