did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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