I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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