we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
