I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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