God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
