My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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