i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
