she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize