I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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