He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
