Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
