3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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