This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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