I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
