apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
