Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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