So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
