This is not my ceiling
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
