So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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