On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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