I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
