i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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