just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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