i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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