he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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