After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
