I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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