pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
