when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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