How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
