She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
