I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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