when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
