hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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