She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize