Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
