belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
