i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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