you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dignity is for republicans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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