Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
