it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
