i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
