i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize