drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
