well I can't set my house on fire every night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize