he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
