Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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