I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize