i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
